Opening up about your disability

Not only is it hard having a disability, but trying to tell someone about it is even harder!

At one point in my life my disability was very visible this was when i was wearing a built up shoe and false leg. Because they where so noticeable everyone would stare and whisper to there friends or family "whats wrong with that girls leg" or a classic "omg that girl has three feet". I hated people staring it completely shattered my confidence, i felt like an alien for something that i couldn't control or change instantly. I felt my most paranoid and self conscious when it was big groups of teenagers staring at me, because all i wanted to do was say I'm just the same as you! I also knew that teenagers can be pretty mean and so was always worried if they where making fun of me! I have had some instances when people have tried to sneakily take a picture of my false leg and think that i didn't notice! That used to boil my blood as i thought what the hell are you doing my leg is really not that big of a deal. I also had another run in with what i thought was a nice old lady who then asked if my false leg was there as a joke because it looked like i had three feet. At the point it completely crushed me. Luckily my mum was there to defend me otherwise i would have just broke down crying right there, lets just say my mum gave that women some talking to lol. 

Me with my built up shoe :) xo

My first frame xo

The thing that frustrated me the most was I'm not bothered if you want to come up to me and ask me questions about my leg, I just don't want to be pointed at and then wonder what your saying about me. Im not gonna lie i do have my days where I'm in a sarcastic slightly annoyed mood where i don't want to be asked. And in that case i like to make up some funny stories as to what has happened to me for example i once said i got bitten by shark! The boys jaw dropped and he walked away which at the time is what i wanted, but in most cases I'm proud to talk about my leg. When i started Secondary School it was pretty daunting the first day as i had one more thing to worry about than the other kids and that was how are people going to react? Am i going to be bullied for how my leg looks? I can honestly say i had no problems at school to do with my leg. I found the best way to tell people about my leg was just to be straight forward with them, get it all out in the open. When i did most of the boys and girls would want to know more about it and find it pretty cool that i had, had operations ect. Im sure that people would say a couple of digs behind my bag but hey if i didnt hear them i didn't care :) 

BOYS!

I had my first boyfriend in YR 11 and i was quite lucky because he already knew everything about my leg and had seen all the changes with it from; false leg, frame then just raise in my shoe and he didn't care but we didn't work ha. 

After that i then met my amazing boyfriend Nathan, he popped up to me on facebook saying "hey i think i know you from somewhere" (even though he didn't) i played along with it because he was cute but i was so nervous talking to him because he had only seen my pictures on facebook which didn't really show my leg so he had no idea i had PFFD! We carried on talking for weeks and i thought he was so funny and caring and i really fell for him. He then started to ask to meet me and kept trying to put him off because i knew if i met him he would then see that i walked with a limp and that my leg was slightly thinner than my other. I thought i had to tell him because if we did meet he would maybe notice but if things went well and we started going out he would eventually see all my scars and then he would defiantly know i was keeping something from him. So before i agreed to meeting him in town i rang him and told him i had something to tell him. I was so nervous and i could tell he was too (he says now he thought i was going to say i already had a boyfriend) and so i just blurted it out " I was born with a condition called PFFD) he asked what it was and i explained i had one leg shorter than the other and i have had operations to try and lengthen it. I couldn't believe the first thing he said " Oh cool, my ex girlfriend had metal rods in her back" i was screaming inside yessssss he dosn't care! We spoke for ages about all my operations, scars and future treatment. Nath could not have cared less and it was then i knew i really liked him and wanted to go out with him :) And now we have been going out for nearly 2 YEARS! He has seen all my photos of me as child, my old false legs, my scars and now is going through my last operation with me. He has been an absolute life saver and i couldn't have done this without him. I know i can be myself and he wont care i love him so much and he is my everything! I never thought a boy would want to be with me, but i defiantly was proven wrong and so will you be if you are having them doubts.

Accidental boob squeeze 

going for a wheel round the hospital 

I hope this post helps others become more confident and open about your disability. I find that being open from the start and showing your proud of who you are is the best way to tell people about it! At the end of the day if they judge you about your disability then they are not worth knowing! Be proud to be unique. 

Home Sweet Home

It feels so amazing to be home and not stuck in that hospital bed anymore. If you read my recent blogs you know i was getting taken to Sheffield Children's Hospital as i had so much pain! It turns out i had a really bad pin site infection in the pins at the top of my leg, the normal infection rate when they take your bloods it anything under 10 and mine was 172 which was very scary and painful. In total me and my mum spent 12 days down at Sheffield which is the longest i have ever stayed in hospital even when im having surgery, it was pretty boring and the food was pretty yaaakk. I cant even describe the pain i was going through it was pretty traumatic and there was nothing the hospital could really do apart from keeping me update with painkillers. My knee also seized up which caused extra pain so i had to work hard at the physio there to even get a little movement. iIts scary when you have horrible pain but you have to remember you are in the best place and you will not be left to suffer.

I try and avoid injections at all times but for some reason this hospital stay i was just not avoiding them, i had to have two of them iv things in your wrist (cant spell what its really called) blood taken every three days and injections in my stomach twice a day to stop clots! there was just not hiding from them but because im still a wimp i always ask for the freeze spray to help numb the area before they do it ooppssie ;)

I am very lucky they caught the infection in time, encase it went to my bone which can cause serious issues. The nurses where so lovely and most of the time they would come and talk to me about the headlines of magazines, Kim Kardishans bum and the new t.v program's. It help so much because it starts to take your mind of the fact you are in pain and in hospital. It started to get hard being in hospital so far away from home and my family but lucky they came down to visit during the middle of the week, i also became friends with the most prettiest girl in the bed next to me we would always argue about who was going to use the best bedpan first!. I was glad to make friends as it kept spirits up and calmed my nerves.

Im trying not to worry about anything else going wrong and just telling myself this are all normal problems you face with having a frame on :)

 my lovely mum and dad

me looking super pale but smiling!